 In 2019 I had the opportunity to teach a class called, Heal the Hurts at the Las Vegas Natural Hair and Wellness Expo. I was excited about this opportunity and talk. What I didn't know was the journey and work God would require me to deliver to the talk. I WAS NOT ready. It wasn't that I hadn't attempted to heal my past hurts; I just hadn't dug deep enough. The days leading up to the class were long and sometimes filled with tears, frustration, disbelief...silence. Yet they were wrapped in love, comfort, and promises from my heavenly father. I dug deep, but I stopped too soon. More work was required.
You see, healing the hurts in your life is vital because our hurts, if not addressed or correctly addressed, begin to shape our personalities. Soon we start acting a certain way and telling others and ourselves, that's just how I am. NO! That is how and who you have become as a result of unaddressed hurts. It is not who God created you to be! It's impacting your ability to fully live and embrace the life He desires for you to live. While there was no pain from my past hurts, they very much had impacted my present.
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Have you ever said you don't have time? I know I have! It's a commonly said thing. There are 24 hours in a day, 168 hours in a week. We may not use the entire 24 hours when we factor in our sleep. If you get 6 hours of sleep, then you have 126 hours in a week. Time is a resource, just like money, and we spend it daily. We may not be aware of how we spend it, but we spend it. When it comes to tangible resources like currency, it can be a little easier to see when spending. Our bank accounts let us know when we have spent too much. When my husband and I wanted to become better stewards of our money, we looked are how we were spending it. We found that it wasn't that we didn't have the money, but we were overspending or spending in the wrong places.
The same I found to be accurate with time. When I looked at it, and I mean really looked at how I spent my time...I had it, I have it...I just am not stewarding it the best way. When I really got intentional about my time management, my eyes were indeed opened! Where did the time come from, I thought? The truth was that it was always there. I just needed to look at my time bank account, and I had to be honest with myself. Did I have to watch 3 episodes? On some days, the answer is no. Other weeks it's yes because it was how I chose to unplug from a week of crazy. Did I stay on that call longer than I should have? Yes, because I didn't know how to tell them I needed to go or didn't want them to feel bad. Other times, it may be that I needed to stay on the call or keep texting because my friend needed me. When I spend in one area more than planned, I commit to cutting back in another place. I don't see it as a penalty, but a way to keep my time budget balanced. Should you feel like you don't have enough time, try taking some time to look at your time and obligations at the beginning of the week and determine how you will spend. Always remain flexible, but if you have not planned/budgeted, you increase your likelihood of blowing your budget. As I sat and thought about the spending of time, it lead me to relationships. 
I'm confident 2020 is a year we can all agree is one to be remembered! It will be a year that will go into the history books and be talked about among generations. No matter your thoughts on 2020, I think in some aspects, it forced us to slow down a bit, to spend time with our families in ways we may not typically have. We also had to become creative about connecting with friends and family for some self-love; you may call it self-care.
I am an advocate of self-care! I would love to say I consistently make time for it in my life, but I do not. I'm working on it. My struggles with self-care are planning it. I know how valuable self-care is, based on articles, blogs, my own life, and shared stories from others. I want to share what I have learned over the years and what I am implementing in my own life. I want to encourage you and myself to be intentional about investing in yourself. Don't leave it to chance, don't wait at the perfect time; don't wait until you get the invite. You have to be proactive. Sometimes the challenge with implementing self-care is that we feel it has to be a certain length of time or present itself in a particular way. If we wait for these things to happen, it probably won't happen or happen as often as we need it to. I love getting together with friends and family and taking a break from the everyday responsibilities that wait for me to wake up each morning as I roll out of bed. We need to make time to connect with others! You have heard it 1001 times, so let this be 1002; we are wired for connection. So go ahead and connect; it's good for the soul. What's also good for the soul is quality time alone. It still may be a challenge to find that solo time, especially with the current state of the pandemic, at the time of writing this. However, the need for self-care and solo time doesn't change. The holidays are approaching. Even if the holidays look a tad bit different this year, it is upon us. The holiday season can be chaotic, but that doesn't mean it has to be stressful. Nor does it mean you can't fit in some quality time alone. Spending time alone may require a new perspective. It may require some thinking outside of the box, depending on your situation. Spending time alone allows you to calm down, regulate emotions, better understand yourself and your priorities. Taking time to be by yourself benefits the relationships in your life. It's also a time that allows you to evaluate relationships in your life and determine any needed changes. To access what boundaries you may need in your life. that need to be made or boundaries put in place. It's a great time to reflect on your goals and priorities and access if you are in alignment. It's merely an excellent time to get to know yourself better. It's challenging to reflect when you are engaged in conversations or entertaining deeply. It's also challenging to do when you are distracted by TV, cell phone notifications, and email. It's simply good practice to have uninterrupted moments alone with the person you greatly value-yourself.  Whether you’re trying to save the world, lose 20 pounds, write a novel, start a business or get a promotion at work, there will be at least one person in your life trying to drag you across the coals for it.
At some point in your life you will be criticized, perhaps in a professional way. Sometimes it will be difficult to accept – but that all depends on your reaction. There’s no way to live life without critics, naysayers, and haters. They’re part of the human experience. However, you do have a choice on if you allow them to stop you from living your life. Follow these strategies to avoid allowing the critics in your life to influence you: 1) Find your passion and purpose. If you were doing something that was very important to you, you’d care far less about the criticisms of others. If they can easily throw you off your path, you might want to consider finding another path. Are you living your purpose? If not, determine what you want to do with your life. 2) Understand why people are not always supportive. Sometimes the people that criticize you do it from a place of just trying to be annoying. They enjoy getting under your skin and being noticed. Other times people are not supportive because seeing you do well or the idea of you reaching a goal evokes negative feeling about themselves. They may feel bad about their own life and situations when as they look at yours. 3) Focus on your mission. Train yourself to be more focused and determined when criticism comes your way. Use your critics as motivation. While some people are intimidated and deflated by the haters of the world, others are able to use the negative comments as a source of motivation. This way, the more the critics bark, the more you’ll accomplish. Most people are distracted by criticism. Don’t be like most people. Learn to use they negativity as a way to push you forward, not pull you back. Use your critics’ words as fuel for your success. One of the significant obstacles to maximizing your success and happiness is a lack of self-awareness. You know your friends’ flaws better than they do. It’s human nature to not have an accurate view of yourself.
We’d rather stick our heads in the sand and remain oblivious to our shortcomings. We’d prefer to believe that we’re unlucky rather than taking the wrong approach. Taking this approach presents a considerable challenge, because if you can’t see yourself and your behaviors accurately, how can you grow and evolve optimally? If you’re brave enough to develop a keen sense of self-awareness, you’ll be more likely to have a successful and rewarding life. Try these techniques to learn more about yourself:
How self-aware are you? Do you know how others view you? Do you understand your flaws? What are your greatest strengths? In what type of environment do you thrive? What are your values? What are your goals? How did you contribute to the failure of your past relationships? If you can’t answer these questions quickly and easily, developing greater self-awareness will benefit you. Until you understand yourself well, your life will appear to be determined by forces beyond your control. Become more self-aware and regain mastery over your life! Until Next Time~ J.Branch In the July podcast, “Say Good-bye to Imposter Syndrome” I talked briefly about the 5 types of Imposter Syndrome. As promised, here is a more in-depth description of each of the 5 types.
Below you will find a description of each as well as a few questions you can ask yourself to help determine if maybe it’s your type. The Perfectionist: Perfectionists set excessively high goals for themselves, and when they fail to reach a goal, they experience major self-doubt and worry about measuring up. Any small mistake will make them question their own competence.
 One of the major obstacles to maximizing your success and happiness is a lack of self-awareness. You know your friends’ flaws better than they do. It’s human nature to not have an accurate view of yourself. It is not possible to 100% aware of yourself, because we all have blind spots.
Sometimes we’d rather stick our heads in the sand and remain oblivious to our shortcomings. We’d prefer to believe that we’re unlucky rather than taking the wrong approach. This presents a huge challenge, because if you can’t see yourself and your behaviors accurately, how can you grow and evolve optimally? If you’re brave enough to develop a keen sense of self-awareness, you’ll be more likely to have a successful and rewarding life. Try these techniques to learn more about yourself:
How self-aware are you? Do you know how others view you? Do you understand your flaws? What are your greatest strengths? In what type of environment do you thrive? What are your values? What are your goals? How did you contribute to the failure of your past relationships? If you can’t answer these questions quickly and easily, developing greater self-awareness will benefit you. Until you understand yourself well, your life will appear to be determined by forces beyond your control. Become more self-aware and regain mastery over your life!  This blog post may be solely for me, and perhaps I should have journaled it, but just in case there is someone else who needs to hear this...Here we go. We as people can be tough on others. Holding them to high standards and unrealistic expectations. These standards and expectations are often heightened when applied to ourselves. But by pushing ourselves to meet unrealistic expectations, in the event we fall short, our inner critic can become ruthless. Standards and expectations are oftentimes subconsciously created, informed by the opinions of society, culture, religion, or family and friends. Whether spoken directly or indirectly, these opinions filter our standards, goals, and expectations thus creating the lens through which we begin to see ourselves. Our lens is also warped by past hurts and disappointments, a driving force behind our actions and behaviors. With these factors influencing our outputs, it’s easy to get caught up in the rat race of life, trying to keep up with and impress people we don’t even know! CRAZY, right? In our attempts to run the race and maintain the pace we end up running on empty, tired, not happy, and truthful pursuing a life or lifestyle that is not a true reflection of us. It is terribly easy to get caught up and become influenced by others! It happens without us even being aware of it. For example, we may clean our house all day, every day because of the remarkably clean Pinterest houses we see. Or we may visit a friend's house, whose house is always spotless, and feel guilty or ashamed because we left dishes in the sink overnight and have unfolded clothes on the couch. We hear this all the time that social media is the ‘highlight reel’ of people’s life. Yet, we still see it and pursue a similar life. Or we see the “fruits of their labor” and now we are working from sun up to sun down trying to have the same or similar fruits as they have. Sometimes we are working hard to make up for past failures and disappointments. Thinking that our success will make up for it. Maybe it’s wearing expensive clothes to distract from your perceived flaws or to make you more acceptable by a particular crowd. Maybe it's the effort you put into your yard because having the greenest grass you believe shows you are worthy of your neighbors’ admiration and will make you more likeable. Whatever the cause or reason, it pushes us to constantly work and to be in pursuit of things or status. There is nothing wrong with work or to pursue goals. The problem is when we do it and our reasons or motives behind the action are unhealthy. The standard that we are to measure our life against is the standard that God has set for us. The world, others, and even we will have thoughts and opinions. However, if it doesn’t line up with the standard of God, it is not what we should use as our rubric. Let me share this with you, God says: YOU ARE LOVED YOU ARE FORGIVEN YOU ARE ENOUGH YOU ARE WORTHY Read this more than once because I want you to get this. This is important because many of our actions are rooted in:
When we don’t know who we are in Christ we easily get caught up running in the hamster wheel of life dictated by society and others. Trying to prove or be loved, forgiven, enough or worthy, when you already are. Let’s get off the hamster wheel and let the standard that has been given to us by God be the standard for our life. The standard by which we make decisions and guide our actions. I know society tells us to work hard, sacrifice is required to have success, too much white space on your calendar means you aren’t doing enough or you aren’t being productive. In the same breath, we are also incredibly hard on ourselves. We create a standard and expectations for ourselves that are too high and possibly unrealistic, and when we don’t meet them our inner critic starts badger.  For Everything there is a season, a time or every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1 NLT
We all go through seasons in our life, just like nature. The seasons that we may find ourselves in can impact us spiritually, personally (on an individual level), and in our relationships with others. Having an idea of the season you are in can help you develop the right perspective during that season. Winter This is a time of rest and recharge, a time to take advantage of the slowed-down pace that it brings and a time to seek guidance and direction. The winter season is cold, and many things go dormant. Although things may appear lifeless, their dormancy is actually a part of their growth cycle. Winter is a time for inner growth. Spiritual: Winter is a time of introspection and the examination of our hearts and motives, allowing God to work in us to strengthen and mature us. Winter may sometimes feel like God is not present like He has forgotten about us. As a result, this can work positively in that it compiles us to seek God more, to hunger to get into His presence. This continued seeking draws us closer to God and God closer to us, resulting in a deeper love relationship with our Heavenly Father. Personal: During this time, our relationships can seem to take a much-needed break allowing us to focus on ourselves. It becomes an opportunity to examine our goals and pursue professional and personal development. We can also invest in ourselves by taking time to enjoy hobbies and invest in activities or practices that will increase our self-awareness. Relationships with others: The is also a time to look at our relationship with others. In Dr. Dharius Daniels's book Relationship Intelligence, he encourages us to press pause. This pause is an opportunity to reflect, evaluate, and align the relationships in our life. To ensure we have the right people in the right place. It's a chance to invest more in relationships that you don't usually get an opportunity to do so. Spring When we emerge from our winter, we are busy planting, cleansing, and restoring. The spring rain acts as refreshing. This is a time of transition as the soil is rotated, new things are planted, old plants are pruned, and we also experience re-growth as things that went dormant in the winter start to take bloom. Spiritual: Represents a time of joy and glory after dormancy and hardships. We have a stronger sense of His presence in or life. New seeds of truth are planted in our minds and watered and cultivated through intimacy with Him. This season holds within it great hope—hope that the planted seeds will eventually manifest an abundant harvest. Personal: It's a time of implementation. To take the things that you dreamed of in the spring, the things that God planted into your spirit and get busy planting. You may experience a transition during this time. Transitioning from one position to another in your job, financially changes, or transition in relationships or in your business or career. Relationship with others: Spring is a time that can feel like we are emerging from "hibernating." We become more social and active than the winter increasing our interactions with our friends. At the same time, we are perhaps implementing and adjusting to changes in our relationships as a result of the pause that we took in the winter. These changes in our friendship could be watching them re-bloom, re-positioning for some, and pruning for others. Summer Summer is a mixed time of work and fun. It's an enjoyable time because you are starting to experience some reaping from your spring planting. During the Summer, you do experience times of extreme dryness and heat, but the summer showers offer some relief. There is still work required because you have to do maintenance such as watering, pulling weeds, and fertilizing and keeping away bugs. Growth is still taking place. Spiritual: Represents a time of spiritual dryness. A time of needing more spiritual food than usual to stay replenished. You can come out of this season stronger if you endure. On the downside, Summer is a busy season, and we can become overzealous and place too many irons in the fire. This is a valuable time to seek God for guidance and wisdom, so you know where to put your energy and efforts to the right things. Personal: Summer is a Self-development season. In this season of our life, we may have to persevere more than in other seasons. It may seem at times like you are "going through the fire" with some of the trials you face. God can use this time to prune you, which enhances your growth. However, at the same time, you experience moments of relief from the difficulty. The difficulty or tension of this season comes from the growth that is taking place internally. Self-Care is of extreme importance to help you stay encouraged and focused because of the level of investment you will make into others during this season. You want to make sure that you keep your cup filled so that you can pour "quality" things into others. Relationships with others: This season requires more work than others when it comes to maintaining our friendships. We should always work at maintaining our friendships, but during the Summer, the maintenance needed to keep it healthy and is higher. Part of this could be due to the conflict experienced in the friendship. The friendship may experience some tough moments and require more time and effort for it to remain healthy but to also flourish. This is also a season, were those friendships that have changed are pruned because they are not healthy or fit for this season in your life. Fall Things fall off/loss, change, and preparation for the new things that are to come. Things start to slow down, and there is relief from the Summer. Fall is known as a time of harvest requiring more pruning in preparation for the approaching winter, another time of transition. Spiritual: Represents a time of harvest when you bear fruits and see God's love expressed throughout our lives... More correction and shaping will take place as God prepares you for the winter season. Personal: This is a time for evaluation of self. Asking yourself, "What is working?" "What is not?" "What are some things that you need to let go of or change?" We all love a harvest! This is the time that we experience the harvest. God blesses you in other seasons, but in the Fall, you are experiencing the fruit of your work. Look at your harvest as overflow. The things that you planted in the spring, cared for, and continued to care for throughout the Summer are in full bloom, and you see the full effects of it in your life. It may bring about change and loss, but it's required for you to have the things that you have been working for. This is a time where you get to also rest because you have done the heavy work the season before. Relationships with others: This can be a stressful time for the relationships in our life. A Fall season can be a time where we experience loss, and things fall away. Sometimes you see it coming, and other times, you aren't given that insight. The other side of the coin is seeing the harvest of the investments you have made into your friendships/relationships. The relationships are flourishing and perhaps are in a place that you long for them to be, a place you have been working hard to get to. This is yet another season of pruning in preparation for the winter. Pruning is a way to be a good steward over things that God has given you. It doesn't only mean cut away the dead. It also means to cut away at the things that are doing well, but pricing or making some adjustments, you will experience what you are trying to accomplish when it's time for it to grow or as it continues to grow. It is essential to realize that these seasons do not line up with the experience in the natural. That would be nice, but that is not how it works. We all go through seasons in our lives, and many times the season you are in is not the same as others close to you. However, it is vital that as Christians as brothers and sisters in Christ that we support and encourage each other in whichever season someone may be experiencing. While our circumstance and the totality of how we experience a season are different, we can empathize and connect with the difficulty of a season. Sharing your season and how you experienced God in that season can be the BIGGEST encouragement to another. This not only encourages others but is also a way to walk alongside each other on our Christian journey. Until Next Time~ J.Branch Over the last eight or nine months I have really taken to journaling. It is at a point now that, when I go a while with out writing I can tell the difference in my mood and how I handle things.
In our Purposed for a Purpose Facebook Group, I took a poll and asked if people journaled or not and most said they do or at some point have. There were others that did not journal at all. Journaling has been around for a while and most have journaled, especially as a little girl. When we were younger we called it a diary. As we got older, I guess we change the name, but the idea is still the same. Journaling is great for your mental, physical, and emotional health. In the coming months I will be sharing more about journaling, the benefits, methods and tips to getting starting and making it effective. Today I want to share with you how I use and you too can use journaling in your quiet time with God. Journaling provides you the opportunity to:
Journaling is good for you. It can positively impact the relationships in your life to include the most important one—your relationship with God. You can journal for many reasons, but if you looking for a place to start, I encourage you to try journaling during your quiet time with God. Regardless if you journal or not, incorporating journaling in your quiet time with God will help in developing and strengthen your relationship with God, which is what God desires of his children. Until Next Time~ J. Branch |
AuthorJ.Branch is a wife, mother and child of God. She is passionate about helping others live the life they desire, have fruitful relationships and know who they were created to be and to live a life of purpose. To connect with me about speaking or facilitating please contact me at contact me.
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